Sunday, 28 August 2011

Almost the end of August and the end of summer...

My last post was in May and since then there have been changes in my life.  First off, my husband left me. I cannot describe the pain I felt.  An emotional roller-coaster of a ride!  Through it all I have learnt that God is truly faithful, and he is my rock, my one absolute in life.

Then, of course as well as coming to terms with the emotional wreck I was, I had to start looking for a job.  I hadn't worked outside of my home for around 24 years!  But you know, prayer changes things and sometimes God can make those changes happen quickly!  I asked the lord for a job close to home and part-time so I could work it around my part-time job at school, running parent and toddlers at church, and being there for Rosie at the end of her school day.  The interview went a little like this:  "What hours would you like to work, and how much an hour would you like to be paid?"  Haha, no, really, it was an interview the Lord had set up just for me!!

It has been tough, I can't deny that, but God is walking so closely to me, in me, working his purposes out in my life.  I am so grateful.   I still cry esp when alone, but I cry to the one who has saved me and knows me and understands.

Another big change is I am going to study theology, primarily a course entitled Introduction to the Bible.  I know the Lord has been tapping me on the shoulder about this for at least 5yrs and I've been resisting him, telling him I'm not clever enough etc etc know the times I've read of people in the bible who resisted God or told him they were children or couldn't speak, well I'm in good company!  A good friend told me that if I was seriously wanting to run away from it, then it must be God calling me to do it.  :)  My heart knows this.
Just like God to use some-one like me for his purposes....only His glory will shine through some-one weak and foolish but who loves God with all her heart and wants to be used for whatever purpose He has for her. ~ Be very careful how you pray - God will answer one day and not in the way you want or expect!

All glory to God, it is well with my soul

Saturday, 7 May 2011

Saturday 7th May 2011

I've just this minute finished  ironing Dave's shirts.  A marvellous antidote to how I'm feeling right now. Dave has gone again. He was home for a couple of days.  My emotions were all over the place as I posted on Facebook. Self-examination is interesting though.  I know my heart is the one place God looks.  Anger has to go, self-pity has too. I am a mess of emotion, but as I ironed I started to wonder how God could be glorified.  Perhaps just by being honest with Rosie as she came in and saw my quiet tears.  "Mum, don't be down-hearted"
"OK, I answered, "I know God's got a plan"

Perhaps how I behave will help my son to see Jesus is real in my life.  Perhaps this is speaking volumes to him about faithfulness and how I am determined to keep my marriage vows.  I don't know how God will use all that's happening in my life right now.  I know I have to trust him.

Tears are good because with my tears I turn to God and my hard, angry, hurting heart softens again.

I just have to keep putting Dave and my marriage into the Lord's hands.

Friday, 29 April 2011

Royal Wedding day ~ 29th April 2011

It's been a beautiful day.  The wedding was wonderful. The church service moving. Vows were exchanged and I remembered the day I made mine.  Nearly 19 years ago now.  Let me introduce you to my blog; the patient wife.  I was actually hanging out my washing this afternoon and thinking about my marriage and the words 'Patient Wife' came into my mind. That is my title, with God's good grace, I am the patient wife.

I'm not sure how this blog will evolve.  It's my prayer that my writings will encourage other women, perhaps women who are themselves learning to be patient in afflictions.  It's also my hope that my life will glorify God in every way-he who is teaching me to be patient, loving, humble, gentle and kind in the face of adversity.

I dare to be a different wife.  I am at odds with the society of today that says it is my right to have happiness and thereby divorcing my husband would automatically give me the chance of finding the 'right' man who would make me happy and contented.  It is true that my marriage is in difficulty. I am feeling unloved and unwanted, and frequently abandoned.

But I choose to trust in a God who has saved me and I wait patiently, praying, still loving, still serving.  Perhaps my prayers will not be answered in the way I would like, but I have a heavenly father who holds all of time and space in his hands and I must trust his purpose and his plan for me.

To the world perhaps I seem to be a foolish wife, but I write with confidence in the God who loved me enough to send his son to die for me.

Perhaps you would like to join me as I wait patiently.

In His Hands